I remember this one time I lived beneath this nice lady. Occasionally we would meet in the parking lot, and she would nicely ask how I was doing. She even once shared her baked cookies with me.
As much as I liked her, she had one problem—I could hear her walking from my downstairs apartment. Every night was stomp, stomp, stomp—it was horrible!
She was a tiny lady and from our minor interactions, she wasn’t a heavy walker, so I was always wondering where all the noise was coming from.
One day we bumped into each, and I mentioned it. Apparently, she wasn’t aware she was making the noise. The problem wasn’t her. It was the apartment.
The hardwood floors amplified her steps that I could hear her walking even when barefooted.
After much talking, she agreed to put a mat on her floor, which killed all the noise. We lived quietly and happily until she left the building three years later.
While I was lucky to live beneath an understanding person, it’s not the case with everyone. I’ve even heard stories of people living beneath neighbors that would dance or even intentionally stomp at night, which is frustrating.
Do your neighbors walk with their heels? To drown the noise, most people would advise you the obvious: wear earplugs, try the white noise machine, make complaints to the building management, call the police, blast your own music at their inconvenient time, and so forth.
What if you have tried all the above and nothing works?
Two things that can solve this forever are moving to another apartment and ensure you get an apartment on the highest floor, so there is no one above you.
As you choose your room, ensure you aren’t sharing a wall, as you will still get some noise seeping from the shared wall.
You can also solve the issue by getting your own house. When you move to your own house, you won’t have someone above you making noise, will you?
Noisy upstairs neighbors’ revenge
If you love the apartment you are living in, or you have no money to move, and you have tried everything to stop the neighbor from stomping, and nothing is working, it’s time to go to war.
But not so fast, as you don’t want to go to jail. You should be smart in how you go about it.
If you are seriously pissed at your noisy upstairs neighbors and you want to get that sweet revenge, here are some of the ways you can do it:
Play some sports
The doctor said you should move your body a little to have a long life, right? Why not do it, then?
Unless you have been living under the rock, you must have heard of Serena Williams. She is a superstar, did you know you have a part of her in you, and you can unleash it on your noisy neighbors?
Get a racket and racquet or tennis ball and spend time volleying against the ceiling.
For maximum results, do this when the neighbor is quiet, such as when they go to bed. As you are banging the ball against the ceiling, do it with as much zeal as you can master. And don’t forget to throw in some sounds while at it.
Invest in a ceiling vibrator
If playing tennis is too tiring for you, invest in a machine that will do the work for you—a ceiling vibrator. Just as its name, the vibrator creates vibrations on the ceiling, making your neighbor’s life a living hell.
The vibrator is made up of a motor, extendable rod, cable, and Wi-Fi remote.
Like with the racquetball, you should put the vibrator to use at the quiet hours of the night.
Delay their entry into the house
Don’t have money to buy a vibrator and playing tennis is too much? Go the easy way and grab some Vaseline jelly. You can afford this, can you?
Once you have your hands on the jelly, apply it to your neighbor’s doorknob.
The purpose of doing this is to give the neighbors an unpleasant surprise when they get back home and also delay their entry into the house, so you have less time to deal with the stomping.
Before you apply the jelly, first check whether your neighbor has a camera on the door as you don’t want to be caught being nasty. Remember, you don’t want to be on the wrong side of the law.
If there are no cameras around, don’t just apply the jelly, go an extra mile, and jam the door lock with the jelly to keep them out for a few extra minutes or hours.
Play their footsteps back at them
A friend of mine once told me a story where he lived with this noisy family above him. One day he decided to buy huge speakers and record their noises.
Later on, when they were asleep, he would hook up the speakers on the ceiling and playback the noise recordings at full blast.
The noise was too much that the family had to call the police on several occasions.
If you are that pissed off with the neighbors, why can’t you do the same? Get a few large speakers and record the elephant man’s stomping and when they go to sleep, put on the recordings for your amusement.
Wondering how to record upstairs neighbor stomping? It’s actually easy to do it. Buy a recorder such as this and attach it to your ceiling.
The recorder will pick all the stomping, and all you need to do later on is to dismount it from the ceiling and connect it to your speakers and get the sweet release of revenge.
Peace is always the best noisy upstairs neighbors’ solution
Unless you have a few months’ leases, you will be living with your neighbor for a long time, so it’s always wise to solve the stomping issue peacefully.
Here at Auditorynerd, we don’t advocate for violence and should be the last resort. However, if you have mentioned the stomping to the neighbor and aren’t making any effort to change or is getting worse, bring out the big guns. After all, who the hell do they think they are?