Here is the scenario. You move to a new apartment. It’s beautiful, neat, and you love it. In fact, you can see yourself living here for years.
The apartment is usually quiet most of the time until late in the night. At least 2-3 times a week, you can hear your upstairs neighbors having loud sex.
If you are single or live with your boyfriend or girlfriend, this isn’t an issue, but if you have kids or guests, the sex noises can be embarrassing.
Are you one of the people asking, I can hear my neighbors making love upstairs. What can I do? Well, you are on the lucky side, as we have researched deeply on the topic and come up with several things you can do to bring the noisy sex to a stop. Here are some of them:
Give them a glass of wine.
I can remember it like it was just yesterday. I was in my early 20s, and this young couple moved into an apartment above mine.
They must have been newly married as they used to go at it almost every night, and I could hear all of it. I was single at the time, so it was pure torture, and I couldn’t get the mental images out of my mind.
After a few weeks of enduring the sex noise, I made my move.
I bought a glass of wine, and just before the couple went to bed, I knocked on the door and gave the glass to them, welcoming them to the apartment building.
As I was leaving, I asked them, “do you know I can hear you having fun in the night?” they were both gobsmacked.
They apologized profusely about it, and I never heard the sex noises again.
You can do the same. Buy a glass of superb wine and take it to your noisy neighbors and mention the noise.
Chances are they aren’t even aware they are that loud.
Of course, don’t knock on the door when they are having a go at it, as you might be beaten to a pulp. You also wouldn’t like someone knocking on your door when in a similar situation, would you? Be creative and ensure the timing is pristine.
Talk to an on-site manager.
It’s normal for many apartments to have on-site managers and leasing offices that are there to help. If the loud sex is still a bother, make a stopover, and let the manager know what you are going through.
The manager will talk to your neighbor and pass your complaints. If you rent from the landlord, let them know about your loud sex woes, and they will communicate on your behalf to the neighbors.
Invest in a white noise machine
A white noise machine comes in handy at masking the loud sex noises, so you aren’t interrupted in your sleep. Don’t have a lot of money? Consider using white noise apps.
You should note that while the apps might give you some relief, they are often of poor quality and lack the benefits that come with a purpose-built white noise machine.
If you have the money, don’t save some money by going for the apps. Instead, go for the noise machine straightaway.
When buying a white noise machine, avoid too expensive one as the company will most likely be ripping you off. At the same time, avoid one that is too cheap as it won’t give you the results you are looking for.
A cheap machine has poor sound quality. It also has a short lifespan.
If you have a good budget, consider this Lectrofan white noise machine on Amazon. Are you operating on a tight budget? Give this Big Red Rooster white noise machine a try.
Invest in earplugs
While noise-canceling headphones would be the best at blocking the annoying loud sex noises, they aren’t practical when you are sleeping. Instead, invest in earplugs. The beauty of earplugs is they are cheap. For example, you can get 50 of these Mack’s soft earplugs for under $10.
To get the most from earplugs, wear them properly and comfortably. Begin with rolling the earplug up into a small, thin “snake” with your fingers. You can do this with one or both hands.
Pull the top of your ear up and back to straighten the ear canal with your opposite hand. If you have held your ear properly, the earplug should easily slide in.
Your work isn’t done when you insert the earplug. Hold the earplug in with your finger until the earplug has expanded to fill the ear canal.
When the earplug makes a good seal, the annoying noises will sound muffled, and you will have a good night’s sleep.
To tell whether you have properly inserted the earplug, most of the foam body should be within the ear canal. Cup your hands tightly over the ears.
If the sounds are muffled with your hands in place, the earplug is not sealing correctly. You should remove the earplug and try again.
Just enjoy it
Sex therapists report you can either get angry or aroused when you hear sex noises. Of course, it depends on what your neighbors look like.
So which are you? If you are such a pervert, love being part of your neighbor’s sex life and enjoy the sex noises, sit back and enjoy it. And don’t touch yourself!
Get back at them
Are you also noisy in the sack, and you have all along been suppressing it? How about letting your true colors shine the next time you are having fun?
Of course, you risk embarrassing yourself and your lover, but you will have served sweet justice. Maybe they will hear you and keep it low the next time. Who knows?
Soundproof the ceiling
If you don’t want to move, you can soundproof the ceiling and block the noisy sex sounds. If you have the budget, invest in acoustic tiles. These tiles are made from fiberglass and often feature an MLV layer or a sound-interrupting foil.
Are you interested in soundproofing the ceiling but strapped for cash? Give acoustic foam a try. The soundproofing foam works the same way as acoustic tiles, but it’s easier to install and costs less. The only downfall is it isn’t aesthetically pleasing.
For a better look, arrange the foam in a pattern. For example, alternate between vertical and horizontal positioning.
Don’t have money for soundproofing, and you would love to continue living in the apartment? Talk to your landlord. If you are a good tenant, your landlord might not have a problem soundproofing the apartment for you.
Put on some music
Your favorite jams can reduce the amount of noisy sex sounds you can hear, so when the moans start, put on the radio and enjoy the tunes.
Take a stroll
Unless the sex noises happen late at night, you can always avoid them by walking out of the apartment. Give the couple 30 or so minutes, then come back to a quiet house.
Call the police
Have you tried complaining about noisy sex, and still the problem isn’t going away? Why not involve the police?
I remember a friend who had neighbors who used to be too loud during copulation that he couldn’t watch his TV.
Do you know what he did?
He called the police and reported the noise. When the police asked how the noises sounded, he described them as murder.
The police were at the apartment in under five minutes, and the couple went quiet from there onwards.
You can borrow a leaf from my dear friend and do the same.
When pulling this move, remember it can go two ways: the couple might get embarrassed and reduce the noise, or your call might be termed as stupid, and you end up more embarrassed than if you had let the noisy sex continue.
Move somewhere else
If you have tried all the ways and still the noise is a disturbance, consider moving somewhere else. For example, you can move to St. Petersburg that recently considered outlawing noisy sex.