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Embarrassed Neighbors Heard Us Arguing. What should I do?

We have all been there. You start a conversation with your partner or someone you are living with, and then quickly, the conversation grows into a shouting match.

You should know that almost everyone fights with their spouses, and unless the argument is disrespectful or turns violent, there is nothing to worry about.

If you recently had a loud argument and are embarrassed neighbors heard you, you must be wondering what you should do, right? Well, there are plenty of things you can do:

Ignore it

If your neighbor is living with a partner and/or children, chances are they argue too, so your arguing might not seem odd to them. In fact, they might be glad you are normal like them.

I remember this time I had just moved to a new, family-oriented neighborhood. I was outside watching my son get on the bus one morning when this lady across the street shouted at the top of her lungs, “THE SCHOOL BAG IS OKAY, YOU IDIOT. GET IN THE FUCKING CAR, AND LET’S GO!”

As she was about to get in the car, she noticed me, and I bet she was convinced I thought of her as an animal, but that wasn’t the case.

I understand it’s easy to lose your cool with a gaggle of 9 and 10 years old boys.

I was glad she did it because I had also done the same, and my wife had told me I’m insensitive and destroying our kids.

The lady avoided eye contact for a couple of months until we bumped into each other in a situation she couldn’t avoid me. She brought up the incident, and I simply laughed it off and told her I would do the same if I were in her situation.

This might also be the case with you. You might beat yourself too much for shouting, while your neighbors care less about it. Chances are also high that as much as they heard you, they might not know what you were saying.

You should know that it’s common for people to raise their voices when in an emotional conversation. This is because our voices reflect our emotions, and we raise our voices when we have strong feelings about something.

The most common emotions that trigger a change in voice are: disappointment, anger, sadness, annoyance, and irritation.

While it’s common to raise the voice, you should note that you don’t have to be disrespectful and hurt your partner.

Instead of feeling ashamed that your neighbor heard you, walk with your head high and take arguing at high voices as normal human behavior.

You should only explain the situation if the neighbor brings it up. And when talking about it, don’t give all the details. Simply say that you were overcome with emotions. You owe no one an apology.

Get therapy

If you have been arguing with your partner for a long time and you think that it’s getting out of hand, it’s wise that you get counseling.

After all, you don’t want to be the laughing stock of your apartment building, your neighbors call the police on you or, even worse, hurt each other.

Although, raising the voice is normal human behavior, it can be abnormal and toxic if you do it all the time.

In most cases, when you raise your voice most of the time, it’s often not due to the issue at hand, but rather an underlying problem that you haven’t addressed.

When you go for counseling, the counselor will help you identify the issue and fix it.

I remember a few years ago I would do this. We had just moved to a new apartment, and my job contract was ending in a month.

As the head of the family, I was stressed to secure another well-paying job to continue providing for my family comfortably. I had done a couple of interviews, but nothing was coming through.

Due to the pressure, I would snap over the most stupid things, such as the kids leaving their toys on the floor or my wife taking the toothpaste out of its usual position.

My wife suggested we go for counseling, and true to it, the arguments weren’t due to the things my loved ones did, but due to the work pressure. Were it not for counseling, I would not have realized it.

You should do the same. If you are in a never-ending tantrum-throwing cycle, see a therapist before it’s too late.

Keep the noise inside the house.

As long as you live together, you are bound to disagree on some things, and as long as you are emotional about it, you will raise your voice. To avoid embarrassment, strive to keep as much bickering noises inside the house as possible.

Thankfully, there are plenty of ways to do it. Some of them being:

Plug the holes with acoustic caulk

Are there holes in your apartment? Carefully go through the entire house and plug them. You can do the plugging by yourself or hire a professional to help.

If you don’t have money to pay a professional, get an acoustic sealant and load it into a caulking gun. Begin with the doors and windows and line the entirety of where the window and door frames meet the wall.

From here, move to the room’s corners, where the walls meet the ceilings and floors. Once you are done, deal with the obvious cracks in the center of the walls.

Keep the sound in the room using soundproof curtains and blankets

If you have sealed all the holes in the house, there should be no noise getting in or coming from the outside. If you feel you should do more, use soundproofing curtains and blankets.

You can place them on the windows, over the doors, and along the walls. If you are dealing with thin walls, put up MLV before covering the wall with soundproof fabric. Use Green Glue and a drywall sandwich if your walls are too thin.

Move out of the apartment.

If you feel that you said harsh or extremely embarrassing words while arguing that you can’t stand to meet your neighbors, simply move out of the apartment.

In most cases, you will lose money as you have to cancel the leasing agreement prematurely, but you won’t have to deal with weird looks from your judgmental neighbors.

As you are moving, do it in the dead of the night when everyone is sleeping. After all, you don’t want to meet any neighbor, right?

Duncan

I hate noise with every single bone in my body and I'm here to share some of the tricks that have worked for me in my effort to keep off noises from noisy neighbors, noisy appliances, and so on. Buckle up for the ride.

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